Goodness.

“Are You really a good God?”

The question is small, but heavy. I carry it with both hands, and lay it down as the solid foundation on which I build fear, uncertainty, discontentment. This unsettled question welcomes doubt like a houseguest, provides footholds for all the lies that come parading in at the scent of insecurity.

“Are You really a good God?”

It reverberates off the spaces of my heart where it feels like there’s lack; it bounces off of the obstacles looming before me, the ones that cast shadows that sometimes skew my vision.

“Are You really a good God?”

It’s a bulky question, dense by nature; it crowds out my peace and my assurance. It’s slippery, too, loosening my grip on the only Sure Anchor I know.

Why am I unhappy with the season the Lord has placed me in? Why am I afraid to re-up my commitment each morning to say “Yes” to wherever He leads? How does fear seep through the shield of promises He’s made me, causing my grip to reflexively tighten and give “control” my allegiance once again?

The answer is in the questions.

“How benevolent is my God?”

“How fully can I trust Him?”

“Does He really have good things for me?”

“Is He really a good God?”

When these queries bubble up (or rather, come pressing in with crushing force,) it doesn’t feel like I’m calling God’s character into question. I might defensively tell you, “Of course I think He's good!” But that declaration simply can’t share brain space with the question: “Are You really good?”…because believing in His innate goodness (and, consequently, His intentional goodness towards me,) is a natural result of taking Him at His word, of believing in this crazy love that doesn’t fit into any of my frames or boundaries. As far as I know, faith and doubt cannot coexist. I’m either believing He’s good because He says He is, or I’m not.

What does it even mean for God to be “good,” anyways?

We throw around “good” like it’s little more than an antonym of “bad.” It rings of a mild positivity, nothing really substantial or impressive. “God is good” usually holds no more meaning than “God isn’t bad,” and while I suppose that’s a basic sort of comforting, it feels like a thin and vague place of reference for building trust.

More than that, if good does mean something significant, how could God possibly be good towards me? I don’t feel like I deserve it yet. Or, you know, ever. Salvation is almost “easy” to grasp because I’ve heard about it, and God’s willingness to extend it towards me, my whole life. What’s harder for me to grasp is the way that redemption would work itself out in my every day life… That He would be good, and desire to be good, towards me. That "everyday" kind of grace embodies the heart behind redemption; it makes salvation more than some obligatory offering He’s promised to extend to anyone who says “I believe.” It clarifies: "I redeemed you because I love you. Not because I need you, or because I want to use you, or because you earned it, but because of love. The kind of love that desires your good." See, it makes His relational nature, His father’s heart – the heart that ran towards the prodigal son while he was still a long way off, the heart that ran after the one sheep when he had ninety-nine that were just fine, the heart that craves love instead of sacrifice and our hearts instead of what we have to offer – so evident.

I once heard Graham Cooke point out the link between God's glory and His goodness, and it helped me begin to understand how powerful "goodness" really is. In Exodus 33 (verses 18 and 19,) when Moses asks to see God's glory, God's response is: "Alright then, I'll cause all My goodness to pass before you." God Himself deliberately links His glory with His goodness. Think for a second about what "glory" means in association with the uncreated God.
His "goodness" is not a sideshow or an afterthought, a vague hope or a nice trait; it composes the very fabric of His glory. It is real, it is potent, and it affects things...you, for instance.

One of my favorite quotes (also originating from Graham Cooke) reads: “There is no security in what God is doing. There is only security in Who God Is.” Having faith in His goodness does not mean anchoring your hope in a specific outcome, in whatever your idea of "good" is. It means rejoicing in whatever comes your way, because you perceive it in the context of a faith that believes that everything that reaches you has first passed through an unchangingly good God.

Let that usher you into (real) rest and (joyful) expectancy.

[Some scripture references that helped me as I worked to wrap my mind around the goodness of God: Psalm 31:19, Psalm 84:11, Psalm 34:8, Romans 8:28, Psalm 119:68, Psalm 145:9, James 1:17, Psalm 23:6]